if you could jut see inside my heart. see how i hurt. see how i dream. see what i want. see what i wish i could change. 

you would understand if you thought outside of yourself. 

being unwanted. being betrayed. over. and over. and over again. 

finding out that all you strive to be has the ability to turn around and slap you in the face. 

not being who you want, so badly, to be. 

the desperation of wanting affection, someone that knows this feeling and will take it away. and knowing that no human can do it. 

feeling yourself pushing people away. 

seeing them walk away. 

realizing it’s much easier to keep to yourself, but knowing that’s not the answer. 

fighting the fear that rules you. 

the warmness of tears running down, and the collapse of your heart into your stomach until you can no longer stand, no longer speak, no longer breathe. 

no apology. no words. nothing. 

am I letting go, or am I just replacing it by clinging to something else tightly?

why do people pretend to know the answer? how can you blame anyone?

i don’t control myself. my past, my pain, my fears control me. is that me? 

will this always be me

And thus far in my life, I’ve discovered I’m not someone worth fighting for. So from today on, I will fight for myself. This pain gets me no where. Caring gets me no where. If I’m going to do this, I must sacrifice my heart- which is me… But this heart is so broken and bruised that there’s no more use for it. It’s just me and my will, me and my head…

by jeffreywithtwof’s